Living in a Dave Matthews Band Song

'How did I get here?' 

This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately.

I have given much thought to where I am in life since I turned forty.  On the surface things look great.  And it's easy to take a high-level view, tell yourself 'everything is good' and move on.  However the more I think about this lately the more I feel I am doing myself a disservice.  It's a disservice because the deeper I dive into where my life has ended up to this point - my 'how did I get here?' - the more I feel like this is not exactly where I want to be.  And only looking at the bird's-eye view, telling myself everything is fine, and then trying to forget about it isn't provoking any meaningful change.  

Living in a Dave Matthews Band Song

One of the songs that launched the Dave Matthews Band is 'Ants Marching' from the 'Under the Table and Dreaming' album that came out in 1994.  I was a freshman in high school when the album came out and remember 'Ants Marching' and 'What Would You Say' being all over the radio and MTV.  

'Ants Marching' is a catchy song that sounds upbeat, and as a teenager I didn't put any real thought into what it was about.  Now I can't listen to it because I am who that song is talking about.

For those who aren't familiar with the song, or just enjoy the upbeat nature of the sound and have never given the meaning of the lyrics any thought, here is what it is about:  Dave is singing about the millions of adults who mindlessly perform the routine of their monotonous lives day in and day out.  My interpretation is that it's about people who are having their lives live them instead of them living their lives.

The first lines of the song are:

He wakes up in the morning

Does his teeth bite to eat and he's rolling

Never changes a thing

The week ends, the week begins

And again for those who aren't familiar, or just haven't given it a listen in a while:

What Does Success Look Like?

 Like I mentioned before if you're on the outside looking in things look great. And I acknowledge there are things to be grateful for.  

1. I make a good living and am able to contribute to a 401(k)
2. I own a nice home
3. I have a healthy family
4. I have hobbies and interests

There are many people, especially from older generations that would argue that is all I need.  And that I have nothing to complain about.  It would be easy to listen to them and continue along with the routine of marching like an ant.  Perhaps even feel a little guilty for any feelings that it's not enough.  Not acknowledging the cost of the lifestyle I've created.

1. I make a good living, but I work 50+hours a week and am often on-call.  It's not at all rare to get calls on nights and weekends.  From a purely psychological standpoint it feels like I am quite literally always at work.  It can be very difficult to maintain any sort of work/life balance.
2. I own a nice home, but I feel like I spend more time maintaining it than I do enjoying it.  And I haven't even mentioned the cost of some of that maintenance.  Is everything I have what I need or what I want? 

 To put it succinctly, lifestyle costs time and money and like so many others the rat race pulled me in and is eating me up. 

The DMB Song I Would Rather Live In

In 2002 the Dave Matthews Band released an album called 'Busted Stuff' which is full of great songs, but the one that really speaks to me is 'You Never Know'.  This song is almost the antithesis to 'Ants Marching' in that it is about chasing your dreams and living in the moment.  

A lyric that really catches my attention is:

But rushing around seems what's wrong with the world
Don't lose the dreams inside your head
They'll only be there til you're dead

 

But the one line that really expresses how life should be lived is:

But everyday should be a good day to die

Give it a listen if you're not familiar:

Time to Cut a New Path:

The time has come to continue to re-evaluate life and map out a new course to where I want to be.  And to where I want to be going.