Embracing Being Gray - How a popular book series, and age changed my perspective on being forgettable

Going Gray:

I am a fan of thriller and espionage novels and read several authors' series.  Some of the authors I enjoy are Barry Eisler, Jack Carr, Jason Kasper, and Mark Greaney who have all written multiple novels based on a single protagonist.  

Netflix recently released 'The Gray Man' based on Mark Greaney's character Coutrland Gentry (aka; The Gray Man.  Aka Sierra Six).  

I liked it so much I have already watched it multiple times.  Here is the trailer:

If you've read any of the Gray Man novels you are aware that Court Gentry has a multitude of skills that make him an effective contract killer.  His most valuable trait isn't his pistol skills.  His ability to remain calm and improvise in tense situations.  It also isn't his skill in hand-to-hand combat.  The thing that makes the Gray Man special is his ability to be gray.  That is, his ability to blend in and be unrecognizable, and unmemorable.  

In one of the Gray Man novels two agents are having a conversation.  One of them who had previously been face to face with the Gray Man mentions finding him again.  Her counterpart is skeptical she'll be able to find him again and says "he could pass you in the kitchen and you wouldn't recognize him."

Also, if you want to learn more about Mark Greaney's books you can do so here.

I first heard of the concept of being gray when I attended Tim Kennedy's 'Sheepdog Response I' course a few years ago.  The idea is pretty simple; the goal is to not stand out.  As the saying goes; the nail head that sticks out, gets hit.

Not being remembered used to bother me:

My high school sweetheart and I started dating at the beginning of our senior year.  I came to find out early in our relationship that she had a best friend growing up and they went from being inseparable to not having anything to do with each other.  No need to get into why that was, but what is important to the story is that after a couple of years of not talking, the two were just starting to reconcile around the time we started dating.  We went to a large high school that had more than 3,000 students, so it was pretty easy to lose touch with classmates and you could go weeks without crossing paths with people.

During the school year we would occasionally run into the former best friend and she and my girlfriend would make small talk.  I met this girl for the first time at least three times.  It could be as many as five or six.  During the course of their conversation she would look at me, extend her hand and introduce herself.  I would always politely accept the gesture shake her hand and tell her my name.  

Every time I "met" her I was really bothered by it.  I would think 'am I so inconsequential that you have absolutely no recollection of meeting me previously?' Or 'has it not occurred to you that I might be the same boyfriend you saw last time?'.  It bruised my ego.

Now that I'm older I embrace being forgettable:

We have lived in our home for four years.  And we have a neighbor on our street who we have been around in a social setting multiple times.  A couple years ago we were attending a get-together at this neighbor's home.  It was not the first time we had attended a social gathering of neighbors, and it was not the first time I had been in their home.  Up to this point I had had a couple face to face conversations with this individual.  

As I was passing him in a hallway I reached out my hand and said "Hi [his name].  Nice to see you again".  His response was "See me again; I've never seen you in my life". 

And a couple months ago I was driving down my street and another neighbor coming from the opposite direction stopped her car and rolled down her window.  We made small talk for a couple minutes and then she introduced herself to me and said "I just like to know who everyone is back here".  I politely told her I knew who she was (since again, we have seen each other multiple times) and reminded her who I was.  She was noticeably embarrassed, wished me a good day, and went on her way.

I can think of at least two more occasions where I see people with whom I have been previously acquainted with and they have absolutely no recognition of who I am.  

And I embrace it!

A couple weeks ago I was coming out of a Best Buy when the neighbor who claimed he had never seen me before in his entire life was parking his vehicle in the same parking lot aisle I was parked in.  As he was getting out of his vehicle and I was walking past him I just kept repeating in my head 'I'm the Gray Man.  I'm the Gray Man.'  I went right past him without the slightest look of recognition on his face.

As I get older, I really just want to be left alone.  Being able to go places where nobody recognizes you or remembers you were even there, is no longer a blow to my ego...it's a big bonus.